Where Do You Draw the Line?

How do we discern the difference between support and coddling? Where do you draw the line?

Julia on Bicycle

My family calls me, “Mr. Safety.”  I often joke that my oldest daughter’s first word was, “Hot!”, spoken while pointing at the stove.

As parents, we try to shield our kids from things that could hurt them. The media fuels this, wagging their collective fingers at parents and declaring “Bad Parent!”  because, heaven forbid, their kid fell off their bike and hurt themselves. What? No knee and elbow pads? No helmet? What were they doing riding their bike on the street?

I am from the last generation that learned to ride a bicycle without a helmet. Some days, this makes me sad.

Now that my oldest daughter is a college graduate, challenged by the big scary world in which she is trying to make her way, I find myself wondering how her life would be different had I not worked so hard to protect her from every little bump and bruise along the way. How would her view of the world be changed had I allowed her to learn about “hot” by burning her finger?  Did I protect her too much?  Have I been overly willing to intervene at the slightest sign of trouble?

It’s a difficult line to draw. When are we providing too much support? When are we interfering with their growth? Love has no boundaries. But, sometimes that love means being willing to let the kid figure it out on their own. We can’t hold on to their bicycle forever. At some point you have to let go and let them ride on the street. You even have to let them decide for themselves whether or not to wear a helmet.

The same applies to the workplace. A good boss will defend their team and shield them from harm – to a point. There comes a time when the boss must allow the team to stand on their own. They need to be allowed to make mistakes (within reason). But, more importantly, when they make a mistake, they need to own it and deal with the consequences.

Where do you draw the line?