mentors – Page 3 – Work Should Be Fun!

Sticks and Stones

Say it with me… Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.

Depending on where you grew up, you might have a slight variation on the ending. Any way you say it, the point is the same. When people call us names or say something negative about us, we are to move on and not let what others say rile us.

Eleanor Roosevelt expressed this in a different way:

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

I recently heard someone use this adage in a presentation. What immediately came to my mind was an additional ending.

Sticks and stones may break my bones and words may never hurt me, but your silence is killing me.

For me, I can handle criticism. I can deal with people telling me where I need to improve, even when it is done in a less than kind way. But, I can’t handle silence. For me, no response is far worse than the most scathing review.

In the words of Jeff Dunham’s character, Achmed, “Silence! I kill you!” For me, it is silence itself that is the killer.

Have you ever given someone a gift and heard nothing from them? I’m betting you assumed they hated it.

At work, have your poured your heart and sole into a project, then when it was completed the only thing you got was your next assignment?

Have you sent a carefully crafted email to someone and received no response whatsoever? Have you posted something on someone’s Facebook wall and waited in vain for them to click “Like”?

Where does your mind go in the absence of a response?

We all crave feedback. Sure, we prefer that feedback to be positive. We prefer praise over criticism. But, any feedback is better than no feedback.

Why? Because in the absence of feedback, most of us assume the worst. Our inner critic shouts, “They hated it. That sucked. You really screwed up that time. You’re going to be fired.”

Maybe you did screw up. Maybe you did disappoint. But, then again, maybe you didn’t. It is difficult to know in the silence.

My first job was working in a bicycle shop. Every bike we worked on was checked over by one of the two bosses. They even double checked each other’s work. The best response you could get was, “OK.” Not, “Good job.” Not, “You do good work.” Nope. The best you could get was, “OK.” I came to shoot for that response as my goal. But, even that “OK” was better than silence.

Are you with me? Do you have this same reaction to silence?

I wish I had great words of wisdom to share as to how to handle the silence and resist the temptation to assume the worst. I’ve got nothing. If you have thoughts on this, I’d love to hear them.

In the meantime, all we can do is to pay attention to when others are looking to us for feedback. Do your part to share honest feedback with them. Be overt in your thanks and appreciation.

Give others the gift of your input. The silence is killing me.

Back to the Beginning

Photo of stage — Photo copyright ©2017 David J Crone. All rights reserved.

Where did you get your start?

I recently had the opportunity to go back to where it all started for me as an entertainer. I did a show on the first stage I performed on as a kid. Several people in the audience had even been there for that first appearance approximately 45 years ago. While this show was a solo performance, that first time I was one of many acts performing as part of a youth talent show.

If you’ve ever experienced a youth talent show, you know that the range of talent being shared on that stage was quite broad. That didn’t seem to matter. I remember that every act was met with enthusiastic applause. Every one of us was made to feel like a star. We were applauded – loudly – for getting up there and giving it a shot.

What I do now would not be possible had it not been for the encouragement I received then.

Being back on that stage in that environment was deeply moving for me. It brought back deep-seated memories. It drove home for me the love and support I have been blessed to receive in so many areas of my life. It reminded me that I would not be where I am now had it not been for the encouragement of a countless number of people along the way.

Who has helped you on your journey? Who has been there with a kind word at the very moment when you needed it most? Who has been there for you to lend a hand, to help you up when you stumbled? Who has been there to cheer you on along your journey?

Where would you be now had they not been there to cheer you on?

Like that early talent show, I’m betting that many times you have been applauded even when your act kind of sucked. But, because of that applause, you kept going. It gave you the encouragement to continue. Perhaps you’ve kept going to the point where it (whatever it is that you do) no longer sucks. You might even be pretty darn good at it.

What if you had not received the applause before your act deserved it?

What a shame it would be if you had stopped. How sad it would be for those who now benefit from what you do well.

Take a moment to remember those who have cheered you on and encouraged you, even at a point in your development when it didn’t seem justified.

Now it’s your turn.

Who needs to hear your applause? Who would benefit from your words of encouragement and support?

Cheer them on. Applaud loudly.

Judgement

How strong is your competitive spirit? Do you enjoy the thrill of victory? Do you agonize over defeat?

Competition can be good. It pushes us to go farther than we would on our own. It encourages us to improve.

But, it can also cause us to shut down, to give up, to stop trying. We see the competition, realize there is no way we could ever win, and think, “Why bother?”

I have several issues with competition in the traditional sense. The first problem with competition is that it involves rules. These rules are often arbitrary and typically based on what has already been done. They leave little room for true innovation.

The second problem is that competition is relative – relative to others and relative to that set of rules.

Combining these problems, my main issue with competitions is that they do not necessarily measure what is important.

Have you ever seen the Harlem Globetrotters? Great fun, isn’t it?

Who won? I’m betting you have no idea. And I’m betting you don’t care. Because the final score was not the point.

You won’t see the Harlem Globetrotters in the NBA playoffs. But, that doesn’t stop them from filling arenas.

Is winning your only measure of success? Being in it to win it is good. It forces us to take it more seriously, to work harder.

However, especially with a competition where the winner is selected by a panel of judges, winning is often subjective. Those judges may not be the ultimate target (consumer) of whatever it is that you are doing.

Who is on your panel of judges? Who are you allowing to determine whether what you are doing is good enough to win the prize?

As a performing artist, the only measure that matters to me is the connection with this audience, right here, right now. Did this audience have fun? Were they entertained? Did they laugh? Are they leaving the event in a better state of mind than when they arrived? Do they have a renewed sense of hope?

That is how I measure the success of what I do.

What is your measure of success? Look to the right judges.

Cover band

Do you write your own music, or are you in a cover band?

When you show up for work, are you doing your job in a way that someone else could easily step in and take your place? Or are you doing it in a way that is clearly your own?

How about your life? Are you forging your own path? Or are you only imitating what you see in others?

So many of us spend our days trying to reproduce what others have done, living our lives note for note like what we see in others. We follow the rules. We read how-to guides. We may be technically excellent at our craft. But, in the end, what we produce looks like it could have been done by 50 or 100 or 1,000 other people.

This starts young. “Why can’t you be more like Tom?”

It continues into adulthood, especially in the working world. “We could use a lot more Toms.”

And we do this to ourselves. We see someone we deem to be successful and think, “Hey, if I can just do that, I, too, will be successful.”

We invest in programs guaranteed to produce the same kind of results others have produced. “Follow these simple steps and you, too, can earn a 7-figure income while working from home in your pajamas! This is a limited time offer! Act now!”

It has long fascinated me how many cover bands are out there. I’ve seen some good ones. The good ones can make a decent income. They might even develop their own fan base. But, it has always struck me as limiting. The best you can do is a perfect imitation of someone else. Where’s the fun in that?

Here’s the reality. We are never going to make it big in the art world with paint-by-number reproductions. We are never going to top the Billboard Charts as a cover band. We will never reach our full potential in our careers by doing only what others have done. We are never going to live a truly fulfilling life by only replicating what we see others doing.

Be an original. Study from the masters, then paint your own masterpiece.

Start Here

Photo of sock puppet — Photo copyright ©2017 David J Crone. All rights reserved.

Do you have a vague concept of something rattling around in your brain? You don’t have all the details figured out, but you feel there might be something there. How do you determine whether it is worth pursuing? Where do you start?

Simple. Start here. Right here. Wherever you are right now. With whatever you have on hand at the moment.

You’re probably familiar with the term, “proof of concept”. Or, maybe you prefer the term “working prototype”. These are generally good things. But, when you are doing something really new (to you), there are many unknowns. You might not even be able to fully define what it is you are contemplating. In those cases, these methods ask for too much up front. Too much time, too much money, or both.

Here are two examples.

I had this idea for a new character in my act. It was to be a man who by day is a typical office worker, probably an accountant or some other data-focused desk-sitting cubicle worker. A guy who most people in the office ignore. He comes to work, does his 9-5, then goes home. Nobody in the office has any idea, or interest, in what he does outside of work. This is where it gets fun. What he does in the evenings and on weekends is take to the stage as a female impersonator. And not just some shmucky horrible impersonator, but a full-on diva singing voice, holy cow that’s amazing female impersonator.

I decide that to fully pursue the idea, I needed to have the physical character in hand. I purchased a relatively expensive “dummy”, played around with the character, had his daytime voice and personality down, figured out the basic logistics of how to have him go through the transition to nightclub singer, picked out some songs I thought would work, took voice lessons… And discovered that I do not (yet) have the vocal chops to pull it off the way I wanted. I invested a lot of time and money into the project. I couldn’t do it. In the end, I decided to sell the puppet and put the idea on a shelf. (I still like the idea and hope to be able to do it someday…)

By contrast, I have another character in my act that started out as a sock puppet – literally. His voice popped out one day, and I thought, hmmm, I wonder what I can do with this? His first appearance was at a campout with my youngest daughter. (See photo at the top of this post.) After that campout, I continued to play around with the voice and develop the character over the span of several months, making sure there was something there. Once I was pretty sure it was going to work, I made the final puppet. (Side note: This the only puppet in my act that I have physically constructed myself.) That character has played out extremely well and is still a mainstay of the act 12 years later.

In hindsight, I wish I had taken the “let’s see how this might work” approach with my female impersonator character concept. I didn’t need a puppet to try singing and to develop the voice. I didn’t need to make that monetary investment. Fortunately, I was able to sell the puppet (also called “figure” in the ventriloquist business) and recoup most of that financial outlay. But, that isn’t always the case when we jump into something whole hog before testing a few basic things first.

I’m sure you’ve been there. You’ve bought expensive tools, components, etc., only to later find out that the original concept was horribly flawed. Money down the drain. Notice I only say money down the drain. Time spent exploring new ideas and concepts is always time well spent. Even if you end up going a completely different direction or abandoning the idea, you’ve still learned something.

My preferred approach to wild and crazy ideas is the “mock up”. A mock up is a drastically pared down version of a proof of concept or working prototype. It doesn’t have to be fully functional. It doesn’t have to look like what the final product might look like. It might be a simple sock puppet. All it needs to do is allow you to go further into the concept. Explore. Test.

It is so easy to become bogged down in the process of creating the prototype that we lose sight of the original idea. Or, we give up because there are pieces we can’t figure out how to model. Don’t worry about it. In the early stages, it’s just an idea. Give the idea room to grow and develop. Let it go where it wants to go.

Start with what you have. Start now.

Creative Collaboration

Photo copyright ©2004 David J Crone. All rights reserved.

When you think of a creative person, do you immediately think, “artist”?

When you think of an artist, do you imagine them holed up, all alone in their studio?

We often associate “creativity” with “artist”. It is natural, then, to think being creative means being individualistic and working alone.

We rarely associate creativity with collaboration, which is all about working with other people. On the surface, these two concepts seem at odds with each other.

Collaboration implies practicality and goal orientation toward a shared objective.

Creativity implies artistry and individualism toward a personal vision.

Intense artistic creativity taps into our most deeply held beliefs, dreams, visions and even fears.

Sharing that creativity involves baring our soul. It leaves us exposed. It makes us vulnerable. Fearing this vulnerability, many people hide their creativity. They either resist creating altogether, or they never share their creations with anyone else.

Collaboration is all about sharing. It requires us to be open to feedback – both positive and negative.

Collaboration requires that we share our creativity, and thus forces us to make ourselves vulnerable.

So, how can these two words go together?

Let’s start by looking at the words themselves.

Creativity:

“the use of the imagination or original ideas, especially in the production of an artistic work.” – Google Dictionary

Collaboration:

“the action of working with someone to produce or create something.” – Google Dictionary

See what just happened there? The Google Dictionary definition used the word “create” in its description of collaboration. We might be onto something here.

Creativity cannot happen in a vacuum. Creativity is fueled by our environment and by sensory input. We observe. We watch. We listen. We absorb. Then we mix it all together and create something new.

Collaboration increases that sensory input. It adds to our environment. It provides alternate points of view, additional ideas. It fuels additional creativity.

When Collaboration and Creativity combine, we get what I call Applied Creativity – applying creativity to reach an objective, or to solve a problem. For me, that’s when things really get to be fun.

When we can work collaboratively, encouraging and fueling each others’ creativity, our own creativity increases, we get much better solutions and we have more fun doing it.

Go find a creative soulmate and collaborate. It’s fun!

Getting Ahead

Photo of kids running football — Photo copyright ©2017 David J Crone. All rights reserved.

When you hear the term, “Getting ahead”, what is your first thought? Do you immediately compare your current situation to that of other people?

Don’t worry if you do. That would make you completely normal. And wrong.

Life is not a race. Neither is a career.

In a race, everything is relative to the others in the race. There are clear winners and non-winners (OK, losers).

I have nothing against competitive sports and the concept of winners and losers in that context. But, I have a big issue with viewing everything in life and work through the same lens. It’s not necessary.

If you have good things happen in your life, I am happy for you. Your success does not define my failure. Some people struggle with this concept.

What if we viewed the term, “Getting ahead” as purely a personal reflection? What happens to our general outlook if we define “ahead” in terms of our own history instead of some skewed view of a random person down the street or in the cubicle across the hall?

While I was never a golf fanatic, there was a time in my life when I played on a fairly regular basis. I played with many different people of wildly different skill levels. Regardless of skill level, I find golfers fall into two categories: those who compare their score against those they are playing with – winning is everything – and those who compare their score against their own scores on previous rounds. I have always found those in the latter category much more fun to be around.

The “comparing to myself” players who were better golfers than me (usually the case) took the time to coach me and help me with my abilities. They wanted me to be a better player. They realized it is more fun to be around golfers of higher skill levels, so if they could help me improve, future outings would be more fun for all.

Meanwhile, the “comparing my score to this foursome” players, regardless of skill level, were far more likely to cheat to improve their score and complain if I, in my efforts to simply learn the mechanics of the game and keep things moving, nudged my ball into a slightly better position. (What? Cheat? Me? Nah…)

When we treat “Getting ahead” as purely a personal assessment, we are more apt to reach out and help others around us. We realize life is not a zero sum game. Others do not need to lose in order for us to win. It’s a heck of a lot more fun to hang around others who are good at their game. If we can help others around us improve, it’s more fun for us to play together and everyone wins.

Go on, get ahead.

Don’t Wait Until You’re Dead

Image of tombstone — Photo copyright ©2017 David J Crone. All rights reserved

What will be on your tombstone?

The one in the image above jumped out at me for its utter simplicity. (In case you can’t see the photo, the inscription says, “C.L. Died 22 Aug 1783”.) Perhaps C.L. didn’t leave behind enough funds to carve additional letters into the stone. Or, perhaps that’s all that needed to be said. I prefer to believe it was the latter.

What message will you leave behind when you are gone?

A friend of mine reacted to last week’s post about Admiration vs Jealousy, sharing with me that he found out that he was admired and respected by someone only after that person died. The revelation meant the world to my friend as he held this person in equally high regard. That got me thinking.

Who do you admire? Who do you respect? Have you told them?

As it turns out, I admire this particular friend of mine. So, when he shared his comments with me, I took that opportunity to let him know it. He was touched.

How does it make you feel to know that someone admires and/or respects you? If feels pretty good, doesn’t it? Why, then, do we not share our feelings of admiration more readily?

Don’t make those you appreciate wait until you’re dead to find out. Pick up the phone. Send them a card. Shoot them a quick text message. You don’t need to make a big deal about it. Simply be earnest. You can be specific, such as, “I respect you for the way that you…” Or, “I admire you for the way that you…” Perhaps you might tell them that you look up to them, that you find them to be inspiring. The important thing is to let them know.

Let me start. I appreciate YOU for reading this blog. I appreciate the comments, the encouragement and the challenges to my words. I hope that you find some value here along the way. [Note: Comments on the blog itself are disabled because it’s too much effort to ward off the auto-bots and other nefarious attempts to use my blog as a platform from which to attack others. But, email comments are always welcome as are comments left on the various social media platforms where this gets published.]

As for my tombstone, I hope that I will have said the things that needed to be said while I was alive, making any words on the stone superfluous.

Admiration or Jealousy?

Photo of kid in Superman costome — Photo copyright ©1970 John R Crone. All rights reserved.

Who are your heroes?

As a kid, my favorite superhero was Superman. I loved the original TV show starring George Reeves. I also loved the Batman series with Adam West. But, for pure hero worship, it was always Superman.

It’s good to have heroes. It’s good to have people we respect and admire, people who inspire us to be better than we are.

Who do you look up to with honor and respect? That’s admiration.

Who do you look at and think, “Why do they get to be there? I could do that. That should be me.” That’s jealousy.

It is easy for these two aspects to cross over, for one to become the other.

I think a key difference is that when we admire someone, we recognize the work they put in to achieve their place. We recognize that we are not there (yet) because we have not (yet) applied the same amount of effort.

Or, as in the case of my love of Superman, we simply admire them for who they are with the full realization we’ll never be that awesome, no matter how cool we look in a cape and boots.

When we are jealous of someone’s accomplishments, what we are really doing is seeking shortcuts and excuses. We think they got there by some stroke of luck. We think they got something we deserved.

Admiration is a good thing. It can drive us to work harder, or differently.

Jealousy is a killer. It causes us to feel hopeless. It justifies endless hours on the couch watching “reality” shows. It justifies eating that big bowl of ice cream and caramel corn in an attempt to numb our fears and self doubts. It keeps us from getting the exercise that would make us feel a whole lot better than cramming pointless calories into our mouths. It keeps us from expending that little bit more effort toward achieving our goal.

Admiration gives us energy. Jealousy sucks the energy out of us.

Jealousy is a zero sum approach to life; a sense that there is only so much to go around and we’re not getting our fair share.

Admiration embraces a life of abundance. It’s the Doritos approach: “Crunch all you want, we’ll make more.”

Identify your heroes. Admire the hard work and effort they put in to get what they have earned. Use that as motivation to get what you desire.

Beware allowing that admiration to become jealousy. When the work gets hard, it’s not time to throw up our hands and declare it can’t be done. No. It’s time to double down. Do one more push up. Write one more line of code. Write one more paragraph in your book. Make one more phone call to a prospective client. You’ve come this far. Keep going.

Be worthy of admiration.

Doing the Hokey Pokey

You put your left hand in, you put your left hand out, you put your left hand in, and you shake it all about…

Do you know the song? I’m sure you do. Sorry if it is now stuck in your head.

What does that have to do with making work fun? Everything.

It is coming up on 4 years since I left the comforts of the corner office to pursue this dream of being a full-time corporate entertainer and speaker. But, it is only a bit over a month since I closed the last door on my former world of being an IT guy.

Soon after leaving the full-time IT executive job, I signed on with an IT services company as a consultant, doing odd projects as they fit my schedule and interest. It was very sporadic. The projects were few and far between. But, it kept me connected to the old world. Why? I guess I was keeping a toe in the waters. You might call it a plan B. You know, if this puppet thing doesn’t work out, I can always go back.

What it did, though, was provide excuses. It allowed me to hold back in pursuing some gigs when I really needed to be aggressive to win them. It allowed me to say to myself, “Oh, it doesn’t matter that you don’t have any gigs next month. You can just go fill in with some IT stuff.”

Then when I would get calls for IT projects, I found myself being annoyed. I didn’t really want to do that work. The joy in that work is no longer there for me. And every time I was out on one of those jobs, I would be thinking about all of the opportunities I was missing by not being able to return that phone call immediately, or polish that new joke I had been working on.

So, I finally pulled the plug, closed the door, moved on. Pick your own metaphor. Whatever you call it, I quit the IT consulting job. There is no more safety net.

Darren LaCroix tells a story of getting started in the speaking business, making reference to an old job he clung to for security. He says a friend told him, “That’s not a safety net. It’s a drag net.” There is so much truth to that statement. (Side note: Darren produces some of the best speaker training programs available.)

What are you clinging to from your past? What pond are you still dipping a toe into for some sense of security? Where are you simply being stubborn about letting go?

If you really, truly want to achieve your goals, you have to be committed. You have to be all in.

Stop putting only a left hand, or a right foot in your pursuit of your dreams. Get to the end of the song. Put your whole self in and shake it all about.