Author: David Crone

How do we discern the difference between support and coddling? Where do you draw the line?

My family calls me, “Mr. Safety.”  I often joke that my oldest daughter’s first word was, “Hot!”, spoken while pointing at the stove.

As parents, we try to shield our kids from things that could hurt them. The media fuels this, wagging their collective fingers at parents and declaring “Bad Parent!”  because, heaven forbid, their kid fell off their bike and hurt themselves. What? No knee and elbow pads? No helmet? What were they doing riding their bike on the street?

I am from the last generation that learned to ride a bicycle without a helmet. Some days, this makes me sad.

Now that my oldest daughter is a college graduate, challenged by the big scary world in which she is trying to make her way, I find myself wondering how her life would be different had I not worked so hard to protect her from every little bump and bruise along the way. How would her view of the world be changed had I allowed her to learn about “hot” by burning her finger?  Did I protect her too much?  Have I been overly willing to intervene at the slightest sign of trouble?

It’s a difficult line to draw. When are we providing too much support? When are we interfering with their growth? Love has no boundaries. But, sometimes that love means being willing to let the kid figure it out on their own. We can’t hold on to their bicycle forever. At some point you have to let go and let them ride on the street. You even have to let them decide for themselves whether or not to wear a helmet.

The same applies to the workplace. A good boss will defend their team and shield them from harm – to a point. There comes a time when the boss must allow the team to stand on their own. They need to be allowed to make mistakes (within reason). But, more importantly, when they make a mistake, they need to own it and deal with the consequences.

Where do you draw the line?

Much emphasis has been placed on employee retention. Is having a high employee retention rate really the best measure of a good people leader?

As a parent, my primary goal is to prepare my kids to leave the nest and flourish on their own. Can we agree that this is a worthy goal?

If so, why do we struggle to have the same expectation in the workplace?

I have always viewed a large part of my role as a manager and people leader to be that of a coach. It is not enough simply to ensure that the assigned tasks are being completed in a satisfactory way. Anybody can look over the checklist and see that items have been ticked off. We should expect more. There should be constant growth.

That means assigning tasks in a way that encourages (or downright forces) people to keep learning. And that means assigning people tasks they have never done. The adage, “Watch one. Do one. Teach one.” comes to mind. We should be pushing our staff to constantly improve.

Eventually, that growth could exceed the needs and/or opportunities of an employee’s current position. And that means a change is warranted to support continued growth.

I say, “Hooray!”  That’s good news! Let’s celebrate that accomplishment.

Real leaders, to me, expect this of their people. They anticipate people moving on. In fact, they expect it. They build organizational structure and practices that actively support this. Turnover is cherished.

It’s time that we measure a leader’s effectiveness by the rate of staff leaving a department to go on and do bigger things.

Fly! Be free!

 

Ah, that eternal question. Is the grass really greener on the other side?

My wife and I are about to get a taste of the empty nest. We’ll both tell you we are looking forward to it. It’s not permanent. Not yet. My youngest just graduated high school, so we have at least 3 more summers of someone living with us.

In the meantime, we are tempted to act now to downsize.

I can’t help it. I am tempted by “For Sale” signs. While driving down the road, I see that house, that property, and imagine myself living in it. I will often pull off the road and do a quick price check using an app on my phone. I’ll even take an occasional photo. It’s all part of the dreaming.

This has happened several times in the past week.  But, I’m trying to stop the madness. Because guess what? The grass right here is pretty darn nice.

When I really think through the process of moving, of starting over on a house, painting, decorating, and all the other stuff that comes with a new home, the urge to call a real estate agent passes quickly.

It’s not just the process of moving that I dread. It is losing what we have that I enjoy. Our back porch. Our home theater. My wood shop. My practice studio. Our location, which is convenient to so much of our lives outside the house as well as being right across the street from a large city park and a short walk to the library.

Move? Why would I want to do that?

Isn’t that how it works on the job as well? We talk with friends about their places of employment, we see news stories, we see ads online, and we start to dream of a change. That thought occurs to us that everything in that new place will be better.

And then we have a good day at the current job and realize that maybe this place isn’t so bad after all. Maybe we have simply lost touch with what we enjoy about this current place.

Sure, change can be good. And sometimes moving on from one employer to another is a good thing to do.

But, sometimes, it’s just a matter of looking around and truly appreciating what is. Sometimes a small change is all we need to be reinvigorated. Maybe a new position at the existing company, maybe a new project.

Take the time to look around and appreciate what is. Acknowledge all that is good. Reopen your eyes to the green grass that is already there, right beneath your feet.

 

Do you dream big dreams? Do you believe in yourself? Do you believe you can be the best, and top all the rest?  Good! Good for you.

It’s graduation season as I write this. At my daughter’s high school graduation ceremony, one of the speakers read from what has become a classic graduation gift – the Dr Seuss book, “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!”

Here’s a snippet:

Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best.

Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

And then comes the killer:

Except when you don’t

Because. sometimes you won’t.

During the graduation ceremony, the speaker chose to edit out all of these depressing portions of the story and read only those that sang of glory. The implication, of course, was that since these students went to this particular high school, they would never suffer disappointment. They would always reign above others. They would always win.

I found it disgusting. I wanted to stand and yell that she was missing the point. I was sickened by the reading of this edited sampling of what is a great book about life.

This is important. Despite our hopes and dreams, and even our best efforts, sometimes we won’t.  We won’t get that job. We won’t get that promotion. We won’t win the trophy. Sometimes, we just won’t.

And you know what? That’s OK!

Keep reading the book. There’s more!

Yes, you’ll be down. Yes, you’ll be sad and disappointed and lost.

Break out of the waiting place. Step up and take action. Make a new plan. Act on the plan. One small step today. Another small step tomorrow. And soon you’ll be moving again.

THAT is the lesson we can all learn from this book. Not that you are great and wonderful (you are) and nothing bad will ever happen to you (it will). No. Rather, that bad things will happen. Disappointment will happen. Yet, despite that, we can keep moving, we can continue to dream, we can continue to push toward new heights.

Your mountain is waiting.

So… get on your way!

 

* Quotes are from “Oh, The Places You’ll Go”, by Dr. Seuss

 

Which is more important, the question or the answer? I’m sure you’ve already guessed what I think, simply by the fact that I opened this post with a question. But, what do you think?

See? There I go again.

As I’ve mentioned previously on this blog, I am an engineer by training. Engineers are trained to seek answers, to create solutions. What I have found over the (many) years since graduation is that if you don’t understand the question, or if you don’t ask the right question in the first place, you can’t possibly provide the right answer.

Now, as an entertainer, I find myself consistently going back to the question. For example, a typical phone call for my services starts with, “What do you charge?” My answer is always, “Tell me about your event.”

The first question we need to answer is whether I am a good fit. Next we need to determine the level of effort that is going to go into the event.

As a business leader, I used to constantly coach my staff on this same issue. More often than not, internal customers would come to the team and ask things like, “How much will a new network switch cost?” It’s easy to answer that question. The problem is, that’s probably not the right question.  The customer has already jumped to a solution in their mind that might not be the right one. So, I would coach my staff to deflect the first question with a question. “Tell me what you are trying to accomplish.”

From a more philosophical point of view, I find the questions to be much more intriguing and interesting than the answers. Maybe that comes with getting older. Maybe it comes from consuming less caffeine. Whatever the reason, I find digging in and looking for the underlying “why” in a conversation to be significantly more fun and ultimately more fulfilling because, finally, we are starting to resolve the real issue, answering the real questions behind the question.

Next time you find yourself ready to pop out that quick answer to the question being asked, take a moment and consider whether the question being asked is the real issue. Perhaps answering the question with a question will provide a better answer.

 

Are you an Orchid or a Weed?

Orchids are considered to be beautiful. They are known for being extremely difficult to grow. They are prized, as much for their beauty as for the effort it requires to grow them.

Weeds can also be beautiful. They will grow virtually anywhere. They are tenacious. You hardly need to do anything to get them to grow. Until someone points a finger and says, “Weed!”, most people find them attractive.

Orchids are the divas of the flower world. If you treat them just right, you will have a beautiful flower. Weeds simply go about their business, growing wherever the seeds land.

Which one are you? Are you the high maintenance employee, only able to function and produce if all aspects of your work environment are just right?  Or are you more like a weed, able to plug in wherever you find yourself and produce despite a less than ideal environment?

Both have value. As for me, I prefer working with weeds. Let the divas, the orchids, have their pristine working conditions. Let them sit there and revel in their own reflection. Give me the weeds, the doers, the people for whom no job is below them, people who simply want to get stuff done.

 

Which inspires you more, the chance to win a trophy, or the threat of having to wear a dunce cap?

I have seen both used in the office as a means to motivate people toward a particular behavior.

For many years, I ran teams responsible for network operations. As you know, when the network goes down, everything comes to a grinding halt. Printers don’t print, files don’t load, and email doesn’t send. In my experience, the most likely cause of the biggest network outages was human error. Yes, equipment fails.  But, the impact of a single piece of equipment failing in a well-designed network is typically a minor inconvenience when compared to the breadth of what a person typing a command wrong can do to the overall system.

How to address this?  Trophy or dunce cap?

One particular team started a practice of “donut violations.”  If an individual did something that caused a network outage, that person was responsible for bringing donuts the next day as punishment. While this had an element of fun, it did not reduce the number of outages. In fact, in some cases, people started hoping someone else on the team would make a mistake so they could have donuts. Clearly not what we had intended.

We changed this model to make the donuts a reward, a trophy, for NOT causing outages. We started a 30-day clock. If the team made it to the end of 30 days without an outage, management was responsible for bringing the donuts. This had the impact of rallying the team together toward a common goal. Not only would they get donuts, but their managers had to buy them.

Are you using a dunce cap to get a particular result? Is it working? If not, is there a way you can turn that around to become a trophy instead?

 

Have you ever run in a big community road race? You know the ones I’m talking about. They often have names like “Race For The Cure”, “Memorial Day Fun Run”, “Blue Ridge 5K”, etc. When you participate in these events, with whom do you compete? If you’re like most of my friends who do these, the answer is typically, “Myself.” And that strikes me as entirely the right answer.

When we are at work and striving to do our best, why do we insist on comparing ourselves to everyone else around us? Why do we find it so difficult to compete only with ourselves?

A few years ago, a ventriloquist friend of mine became extremely sick with an infection. He asked me to fill in for him at an event where he was booked to perform. This was an annual event he had been doing for many years. I was honored to cover for him. When I got to the event, it was clear that my friend had attained rock star status with the people there. That’s when my mind started spinning. How could I do this? These people love my friend. My act is very different. Would they throw things at me?

I was sharing the stage with another entertainer. He realized I was starting to freak out. He gave me a piece of advice to calm me down. He said, simply, “Do your show.”  In other words, don’t try to be my friend, don’t try to mimic him.  Just do my show – the one my friend knew I was capable of doing, the show that caused my friend to have the confidence to ask me to cover for him.

Such a simple concept. And yet many of us struggle with it.

Do your own show. Run your own race. Do your own work.

The next time you start to compare yourself against those around you, pause, look in the mirror, and acknowledge the competitor that matters the most.

 

Which demons are you fighting today?  Today, the demons in my head are having a party. Their revelry is in full swing. They will not be squelched.

Some days my demons move me to action. They provide a worthy adversary, prodding me into battle. They serve a useful purpose. Other days, they cause me to completely shut down, leaving me unable to do the simplest of tasks, eager for the end of another work day. If their purpose is useful, I’m not seeing it. Today is one of those days.

I know the source of this particular passel of demons. It is a deeply personal issue. The details are less important than the depth of their impact. You have likely experienced your own demons of this nature. Perhaps you are fighting them at this very moment. These demons are all-consuming. They will not be silenced. In the moment, they seem unbeatable.

I do not know how to conquer these particular demons. I’m not sure that victory over them is possible. I don’t even know whether victory is the right outcome. Perhaps the point is the battle itself, forcing us to consider the questions they raise.

But, I do know that tomorrow will come, with or without them. And that gives me hope. Hope that at the very least, I will get out of bed again tomorrow and maybe discover a new approach. Hope that maybe tomorrow these demons will be tired of their revelry, leaving me to get back to my work. Hope that on another day the questions they raise will make more sense.

Which demons are you fighting today? Are they spurring you on to action? Providing you with something challenging to push against? Or are they shutting you down?

Beware being absorbed by the dark side. Remember that tomorrow will come. Each day brings a new hope.

Have you ever been frustrated trying to keep up with someone who is years ahead of you? Yeah, me too.

It’s good to observe experts in our field of interest. They provide great inspiration and a view of what is possible. It’s also important to realize how long it took those experts to achieve that level of skill.

When learning anything new, we need to be aware when we are attempting to ski down the Black Diamond slopes with only Green Circle skills.

In the US, ski slopes are typically labeled for increasing levels of difficulty, from Green Circles to Blue Squares to Black Diamonds. There are even Double Black Diamond slopes for the truly crazy, er, skilled skiers.

If you’ve ever attempted to ski down a snowy slope that is beyond your current skill level, you know that getting down that slope involves a lot of time on your behind – or strapped to a stretcher escorted by the Ski Patrol.

In most things we undertake, there are many more than just 3 levels.  To keep things simple, let’s say our area of interest has 10 levels.

For me, the best way to learn new skills is to hang out with people who are 1 or 2 notches above my current skill level. That gap feels like it can be crossed. And my own skill level is close enough to those above me that I am not too much of a drag on them.

Beyond that 1-2 levels, I get frustrated trying to keep up. I spend too much time on my behind. I get discouraged. I might even end up being carried away on a stretcher. And those I’m trying to learn from get frustrated at having to slow down for me.

On the other hand, if I only hang out with those who are at the same level, or below, my learning is stunted.

Seek out those who are farther along than you. Create opportunities to learn from them. Just be careful in your selection so that you are stretching without breaking.

One last thought. As you advance in your skills, you will inevitably travel at different rates than those around you. Watch out for friends who seek to hold you back because they can’t or choose not to keep up with you. That Black Diamond slope is calling. Let your friend take the Green Circle slope. You can still meet up at the bottom for a warm cup of cocoa.